


A Guy Like Me and a Guy Like You

by Carleen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: M/M, S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-01-02 04:10:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carleen/pseuds/Carleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My first S.H.I.E.LD. Agent fan fiction. The title is from a line Fitz says during the episode The Hub. It got me thinking... WARNING: That episode had too much Slash for me to ignore. All that big brown-eyed staring, wistful looks and omg we're gonna die together. This is FitzWard Slash pairing. If this is not your thing then stop right here. Otherwise, thanks for stopping by. AN: Plenty of swear words and adult situations, er, I mean, adult activity.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Time for Extraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My first S.H.I.E.LD. Agent fan fiction. The title is from a line Fitz says during the episode The Hub. It got me thinking... WARNING: That episode had too much Slash for me to ignore. All that big brown-eyed staring, wistful looks and omg we're gonna die together. This is FitzWard Slash pairing. If this is not your thing then stop right here. Otherwise, thanks for stopping by. AN: Plenty of swear words and adult situations, er, I mean, adult activity.

* * *

Episode: The HUB. WARNING #2:This is FitzWard S.L.A.S.H. pairing. If this is not your thing then stop right _here_.

* * *

 

I'd secured my weapons, been debriefed by an unapologetic stone-faced Coulson, written up my report and found the anger about the news there were no plans for our extraction still simmering just under the surface.

Stepping out of the shower and throwing on some comfortable clothes, I had to admit, I'm just the muscle. I'm expendable. Guys like me were easy to find and train into S.H.I.E.L.D. I wondered how they could so easily lose a brilliant young mind like Fitz. It just didn't make sense. Why have us dismantle the tech and leave it behind? Wouldn't they just rebuild it? So they decided to leave us behind and what would follow? Torture and lingering death for me. For Fitz it would be much worse. They would torture him for his secrets, then keep him alive to work for them. My anger grew at such thoughtlessness.

It's not as if I'm ungrateful. Against orders to the contrary, they eventually rescued us. That was a good thing about being a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent. They talked a good game about regulations, secret information and access levels. The reality was plenty of leeway during a mission.

What would Fitz and I have done if the Bus hadn't shown up? Two choices: Let them shoot us to avoid capture or run. Although there were plenty of places to hide in the warehouse behind us. Eventually we'd have to make a run for it and with all that wide open country… Well, let's just say, I'd rather be shot looking my enemy in the eye, rather than in the back, running away.

Except for the leave-you-there-to-die part, that mission was all in a day's work for me. Fitz showed me more courage than I thought he possessed. More than just courage. He'd been calm and logical in a situation that was neither. Sky expressed her concern by punching me in the shoulder. I could call it childish behavior. The reality was she'd learned to compartmentalize her feelings long before joining S.H.I.E.L.D. Feelings have no place in our line of work. May simply nodded and Coulson ignored the entire episode. With nowhere to express my anger I stuffed it down and went in search of Leo. How was he doing? Was he processing the Intel that today should have been his last day on earth?

I found him in his room, curled in a ball on his bunk.

"Hey, you okay?" I sat down on the only chair in the small cabin. What was wrong with him? He didn't look ill or upset. Just very flushed.

"Ward, I'm fine. Go away."

I was shaking my head before I even responded. "I won't leave you like this. Now, sit up and talk to me."

That time, all I got was a shake of his head and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Is it about the mission? Maybe we should talk about that.

Personally, I'm mad as hell they planned to leave us behind. But it turned out fine. Please sit up, Fitz. Uh, you know I could make you sit up, right?"

With a groan Fitz rolled over and sat up. His arousal was evident under the soft fabric of the sweatpants. I couldn't take my eyes off it. Who knew the brainiacs had… never mind. I think I know what's wrong. He didn't move away when I slid the door closed and moved next to him on the narrow bed.

"That was a dangerous mission, Fitz. Mix danger, adrenaline, life threatening situations, and the emotions and hormones churn. I promise it will get easier. You did great today." I heard my voice drop from matter-of-fact to a whisper, "Leo, why didn't you take care of yourself?"

"I tried…" and he squeezed his eyes shut again.

I had to smile at that. What was this naivete or did he imagine mundane things like sexual need didn't affect the smart folks? He was equal parts brilliant and hopelessly childlike. From the innocent need in his eyes to the respectable looking mound under his clothes. I put my hand out and after a moment he took it. I looked down into his eyes.

"Will you let me help?" A simple statement. He could take it any way he wanted, including kicking me out of his cabin.

"But... You're not... I'm not…"

"What we are is two men who almost died together this morning. Whatever happens between us here tonight, or does not happen, will stay between us. We never have to speak of it again."

I turned toward him, moved into his space and he gasped. We never lost eye contact and I swear, his body arched up toward me. There was no way I could leave him now. No extraction plan required.

"Show me?" I let me question drift between us on the breath we shared.

With his expressive blue eyes liquid with desire he turned my hand over on his groin and shuddered.

I let my hand move gently over him. He was big. My fingers flexed in anticipation. Then he pushed the sweat pants down quickly over his hips. Impressive. My fingertips stroked lightly down the ridgeline of his erection. While his hips jerked in response, red-gold curls tickled the backs of my fingers.

"Fitz, listen to me. I sense you're worried about whether this means you're gay or I'm gay or whatever. This has nothing to do with any of that. It isn't even an issue. This is just you and me."

I let my fingers wrap around him.

"Look at me." When he opened his eyes, I leaned in and kissed him. For just a moment I twisted my tongue with his, then backed away.

When he was looking at me again, I held my right palm up to his mouth. Not that innocent, I thought, when he obediently spread our shared saliva on my palm. I reached for him and his beautiful erection jumped into my hand. As I slid my hand gently up and down he moaned and lifted his hips. He fisted his hands in the sheets and his legs fall open.

"This world you're in now, Fitz," I whispered, my nose drifting over his ear. "Life and death is all that matters. We almost died today. What matters is that we live. In whatever time we have, we must live a life. So while I will tell you not to care and keep your heart hidden we will share this moment."

I watched his eyes roll back in his head and I knew he couldn't hear me anymore. That was fine. Renewing my grasp I pulled up on his shaft to gather more lubricant from the crown. Up and down. Up and down. The veins stood out like thick cords as his blood pumped, flooding his cock.

"That's it. Push as hard as you need to. Leo, you are so beautiful this way." And he is beautiful, with his golden skin over firm muscles, curly auburn hair and golden lashes over dark blue eyes. The scent of his aroused body, the sheen of sweat on his brow and chest assaulted my senses.

I held on while his body took over for him. Then he felt his shaft harden to stone in my hand. Arched like a taut bowstring, it needed only a second more to find its release. Leo was not a man who allowed himself this kind of emotional freedom. I wondered if he feared it. I ghosted my lips over his, "Come to me. Come…"

It happened in a rush of raw desire and primal release when he erupted into my hand. With my free arm around his back, I lifted him from the wall. His head turned and his mouth found mine. I swallowed the scream, which had begun to form on his lips, with my mouth. A wild thought entered my distracted brain, I wanted to be naked with him, to feel his skin against mine. Taste him, touch him, know him, "Oh, Leo."

Against my shoulder, his breath came out choked and ragged. I held him, as close as my one arm could grip, against me until he recovered. When he could breath again, he surprised me by not moving away. Then I felt his hands moving over me.

"You don't have to do anything, Leo. Just relax."

"I... I..."

"Shh. Close your eyes, I will clean you up and then you will sleep." After I washed my hands and him, I covered him with a sheet. Before I could leave him I had to taste those lips again.

"Good night, beautiful one." I whispered against his mouth and kissed him gently. He returned the kiss, which ignited my own desire, lighting a fire along my nerve endings. I wanted him. Not the stoic, May. Not the beautiful and, so obviously available, Sky. But this beautiful, brave genius, with the smooth pale skin, the golden lashes, and the surprisingly strong hands that tried to make me stay.

"Sleep," I whispered again and left him to his dreams.


	2. We Need a New Plan

* * *

Coulson had just shared the news with me that our team had the week of Christmas off. He'd ended the briefing with a stern look and a warning for me to get some rest. Yes, I thought, as I let my shoulders sag. This time I would do it. Exhausted and weary, I would go home, prop my feet up with a good book and rest.

I took the stairs two at a time as I headed up to the living area to share the news. Our aircraft, affectionately nicknamed "The Bus" suddenly turned. Ah, I thought, we are turning upwind in preparation for landing. We would be on the ground soon. A whole week off; of this aircraft, off the mission schedule and off the grid. Seven days of reading, writing and quiet. Time to think and process the events of the last weeks.

The team glanced up from their game of Trivial Pursuit when I entered the room.

"Merry Christmas, guys. Coulson just got word; seven days off over the Christmas holiday."

And I was rewarded with their smiles of happiness. Skye shouted and pumped her hand in the air. Less than a minute later, the game forgotten, they began making plans. I left them to it. I had my own plans to put in motion.

First, I called my landlady and ordered my brownstone cleaned and readied. Next, I ordered food delivered. Then after pouring myself a drink, I began to pack. The sound of May's voice interrupted my musings. We hadn't spoken on a personal level since that night we spent together at the hotel. I will never call it a mistake, but that was the very last time I allow alcohol to cloud my judgment. I wasn't a kid anymore. I already promised myself those days were officially behind me.

Of course, it had been pleasurable. We needed each other at that moment. Working with her day to day was one thing. On a personal level, she allowed so few expressions to cross her face. Making love to a woman who never expressed her pleasure was a little off-putting. In fact, she barely spoke until the next morning. Let me know what you're feeling. Share a little more about yourself with me when we're naked together than pursed lips.

Fitz had been so expressive, trusting, and ready to reciprocate. Yet I had stopped him. Since that night, I'd remembered the taste of his mouth and the gentle passion in his eyes. Why had I stopped him? After he'd caught his breath, he reached for me, even as I was pulling away. There was such a difference in the touch of a woman compared to a man. May, in spite of her strength touched me with tentative hands. Fitz had my upper arms in a vice grip while he searched my face for answers. Why was I thinking of Fitz?

The realization almost doubled me over with need. I'd left something behind in his room that night. I wanted to let him explore, his mouth to plunder mine with ownership and power. The bed came up fast as I dropped to its surface.

What color blue were his eyes? I knew they changed by what he was wearing. Today he wore a dark blue cashmere pullover. My hand reached out to touch the soft knit once already today. And I remembered his eyes so lost in waves of passion were as dark an indigo night. The memory so aroused me, I almost reached for myself, when May cleared her throat at the door.

"Disturbing you?"

"No, not at all. Just packing a few things. Who's flying the plane?" I asked, going for a wry grin to hide what I was really feeling.

"Another two hours before we land, it's on autopilot until then."

Her face is an inscrutable as ever. She closed the door firmly behind her.

"If you want to spend some together. I can be available." She commented without expression or affection.

She was standing very close to me looking up into my face. All I had to do was reach for her. The exotic scent of her. The black silk of her hair sliding over my skin. The strength in her hands, turning me, grasping me. Would Fitz touch me that way too? Would he even want to? I wanted to find out. I needed to take care of that first.

With that relief that follows, when you know you're doing the right thing, I cupped May's cheek in my hand. "Not this time. Looking forward to peace and quiet."

She blinked and looked away.

"Enjoy your time off. I'll see you after Christmas. Okay?" I kissed her hand and shooed her out of my cabin.

The plane had landed by the time I showered and changed. We called and waved to each other as we separated and headed to our vehicles. It surprised me that Fitz wasn't leaving with Simmons. I watched the team drive away and realized Fitz had never walked off the plane. I tossed my bag in the car and went in search of our resident brainiac. I found him on his hands and knees with his head inside a control panel.

My blood heated and throbbed at the thought of touching him, or kneeling down behind him. Running my hands over his smooth skin and firm muscles. Would he accept my touch? Does he think of that night too?

Stop, Grant. Just stop, I admonished myself.

While I'd been staring and lost in thought about the possibilities, Fitz had stood up and was now standing in front of me.

"Have ye come looking for me? Why?"

"You know why."

"No, I don't. I see how generous ye are with your team. You've been busy—"

"—What are you talking about?" He's staring up at me with those same liquid blue eyes shimmering with emotion. His bow-shaped mouth poised on the word I stopped him from speaking.

I wasn't sure what to say, or what he was getting at. He tossed down a metal tool and it clattered on the deck and continued talking. His Scottish accent so thick I could hardly understand him. Was he angry?

"Me… Last week it was May. I keen Skye will be next. I do'n suppose there's anythin' I can do about you offering the same sort'o comfort to Simmons? She'd got a soft heart, an' I wouldna care to see her hurt. You're quite 'a bleeding heart, you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I've work to do."

"Leo. Why are you saying those things? Stop." I pulled him back around and toward me.

"I've said all I have to say. Go on with you, now." He dismissed me with a wave of his arm.

My feet stayed stuck to the floor. I'd hurt him without understanding it was even a possibility. Then just as I had that night in his cabin, I took a step closer to gauge his reaction.

He raised his eyes from my chest with a look I did not understand. "Are you angry with me, Leo?" I touched my fingers to his lips when he tried to answer me. "I never imagined it would matter to you... I'm sorry."

He kissed my fingers, and then pressed my palm against his cheek. He's so beautiful, with his eyes are closed, and red-gold lashes laying against his fair cheeks. Without a thought to my motivation, I pushed him into the storage room behind us. I didn't want any more of this to be caught on security video. Once I got him in the room, I kicked the door closed. He didn't protest when I dragged him against me.

"Tell me! Why didn't you leave with Simmons? I heard you both say you spent the holidays at her parent's house. Why are you still here?" Great. Now I'm shouting into his face, but nothing I'm saying to him is penetrating his composure.

Finally, he twisted away from me and raising his hands as if to push me away. I did not intend to allow him to escape so easily.

"I dinna keen I would care. Took me by surprise."

This was about the night I spent with May. "How did you even find out about that night?"

"I was there in the hallway. I knew you were shook hard by the power o'that staff. Wanted to check on you. I saw May nod to you and the door close on ta' both of you. A sleepless night that was."

A simple apology wouldn't do here and I had just the solution. I looked away, thinking fast, but kept my hands on his shoulders. "Leo, I have an idea. I'm headed to my brownstone in the city. Come with me? There's plenty of room. If you want to do nothing but take over the kitchen for experiments — that got a smile out of him — then fine."

"I'm busy. And, I have no interest in being on your aid and comfort list."

"I don't think that's true... what list? Come with me. I can cook. Let's start this over."

"Start what over? You're daft." He pushed his shoulder against the door and turned the handle.

I caught him by the shoulders and pinned him. My right hand shoved his chin up. "This," and kissed him with a hunger, which nothing May had ever done or said provoked in me. Before I took him against the door, I tore my mouth from his and laughed at my teenage impatience.

"Answer me, before I make love to you on this cold hard floor. I want to loose myself in your!"

What was I saying?

It was his turn to chuckle and the sparkle of humor in his eyes sent a fission of passion through me.

"You can be sure we'll be doing plenty of preliminary experimentation before we test that final hypothesis. Especially, when this will be the first time the program is run..."

His eyes darted away and his words fell on me like a bucket of cold rainwater. Had he just admitted his inexperience to me? Had I...?

Who are you talking to Grant? You know the answer. Touched, kissed, and flirted with men, but never more than that. I wasn't exactly the king of long-term relationships. With calmer hands, I laced my fingers with Leo's.

"Hours and hours of experimentation, beautiful one. Because..." I rested my forehead against his. "... Because, we'll be testing those theories and proving those hypotheses for the first time, together. Just nod your damn head! Don't make me ask again."

Instead of answering, he pulled my head down and kissed me tentatively. I let him set the pace this time.


	3. Separating Church From State

* * *

We sped through the city, with the late autumn sunshine winking at us through the buildings. The air is perfectly chilled and the sun is warm on our heads. Mile after mile falls behind us as the airport, the inner city, the bridge, brings us closer to freedom and further away from the formal restrictions of duty.

You probably think that doesn't sound like anything Ward Grant, a Level 7 S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent would think of or say. You'd be right. I'm one of those guys who rarely goes home and often hangs around the office until the next mission. But just like the promise about alcohol consumption, today was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. It felt good and it felt right. And the young man sitting next to me played a large part in my decision.

The traffic was light on the bridge as we sailed into Brooklyn. A beautiful day in my favorite city. I reached over and squeezed Leo's hand to share the moment and he rewarded me by returning the affection. I decided then I wouldn't let go of his hand until I had to.

"Ward, should we stop at a grocer?"

"I ordered food delivered. I hadn't expected you to be joining me when I ordered. There's a nice store just over the bridge."

So we took another step toward getting to know each other by shopping together. We laughed and we joked around. He grabbed some tea and I picked up the latest Dan Brown paperback.

Then Fitz picked up a tube of lubricant and waved it in the air. We both blushed and laughed harder when I tossed it back on the shelf. I grabbed his arm, "Hey, we're in my neighborhood now. Behave."

He grinned at me through the blush that still stained his cheeks. That grin did something to me and suddenly all I wanted in the whole world was to get him to my house and have that smile all to myself.

When he slipped his arm away from my hand to lace his fingers with mine, I swear, I nearly pulled him into my arms without waiting for privacy. His curly auburn hair, the blue eyes looking up at me as if I had all the answers. I tugged him quickly against me and didn't give a damn who noticed.

"Let's get shut of this place. A wee bit too public. Do you have everything you need?" He said quietly, with a hint of urgency that caught my attention and emptied my brain of rational thought.

"We need to get you out of here. Come on," God, that grin was infectious. "I have everything I need."

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking over my small pile of supplies. "Ach, too bad. No haggis a'tall. I'd have made you some for breakfast."

"It's a deal. I'll make dinner and you get breakfast. I know exactly what haggis is, so no funny stuff."

When he stuck out his tongue at me, my fearless-secret-agent-black-ops knees went weak. With an innocent smile, he walked away and I watched him load a bag with croissants and strawberry preserves. I grabbed a box of real butter to go with the rolls.

Chatting with the store owner while I waited for Fitz to join us, I wondered what he had in his bag. If he put that lube on the counter…

"Oh, is that butter for me?"

While I managed not to blush again. I thought the clerk might have. I gathered Fitz and the bags and got them to my car. My little renovated carriage house lay just around the corner on Hunts Street. In just a few minutes, I'd parked my car in front of the cheerful house to unload the car.

These buildings in Brooklyn Heights were the original carriage houses for the rich who lived in the Brownstones back in the 1800s. My house was a two story red brick carriage house. I had lived on peanut butter sandwiches to pay for the restorers to strip off the decades of paint and uncover the original brick. It had been worth every penny. Renovating the outside, I left to professionals, but the inside was my own design and I had done most of the work myself. Many of my neighbors had gutted their house and replaced everything with ultra modern furnishings, gleaning fixtures and bright colors. This was to be my place of respite and peace. With that in mind, I used only refurbished and vintage things to decorate and update. My secret treasure was the claw bathtub. With heated floors and a towel warmer, it was my place to soak away the effects of a difficult mission. The kitchen was very functional, but completely vintage in appearance. Had I ever prepared a meal in this kitchen?

The total effect, was something I like to call, late Victorian comfortable. What it lacked infamous Victorian clutter, it made up for in comfortable chairs, deeply hued walls, natural like and rich fabrics.

I led Leo into my small home and wondered what he would think. It occurred to me as I watched him gaze around my little house, that I'd never seen him act so playful. I'd never seen me act to so playful. Was this what a real relationship could be? The teasing and laughter. The inside jokes and a comfortable home to return to at the end of a day. It suddenly dawned on me that Leo was the only person I'd ever brought here.

Those musings led me to thinking about May and her silent and unemotional responses to our intimate encounter. Any future we might have would never be more than furtive moments stolen from the day that were never long enough to grow into anything else but quick sex. She'd made it plain, though, sex was all she was interested in. I shrugged the growing sadness off my shoulders. Why was I trying to force an issue with her that didn't exist and would never be satisfying.

"You have a bonny home...You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," I said, banishing the useless sad feelings away. "Here, hold this for a second."

I got him to hold the other grocery bags. Now that his hands are full, I cupped his face with my hands backed him against the counter. Not a shy, tentative kiss, but a real kiss.

"You're a tease." I whispered, licking his lips lightly with my tongue. He opened his mouth to say something, but I kiss it closed and gave into this growing need for him and for something more in my life.

He whimpered and I pulled the bags out of his hands. As soon as they were free they were moving over me, tracing patterns over my chest. Then he grabbed me my waist and pulled me closer. All thought left me when my arousal bumped his. I pushed him against the counter with it; grinding against him and spreading his legs.

Why was this kiss so new and so differently satisfying. Then when his hands fisted into my jacket, forcing me closer, I realized what it was. This wasn't the soft surrendering of a woman. This was a man, telegraphing his needs with his strength. His strong arms encircling me, holding me still while his impatient hips brushed against me.

Then everything went black. Had someone called my name?

~o~

My eyes opened to the sight of Fitz unconscious on the kitchen floor next to me. A wound on his scalp rhythmically dripped blood into the pool under his cheek.

Leo.

Without lifting my head, as if I could move, because the pain was so intense my eyes were vibrating, I listened. The sound of hurried footsteps upstairs. Drawers opening and closing. Doors slamming. Swearing. I counted three sets of footstep and three angry male voices.

"Forget it," one of them shouted. "We got the best stuff."

"I'm not leaving without it. There's nothing here worth anything. Just a couple of handguns. We can sell those. That son of a bitch at the store is gonna answer for this bullshit. I don't take to liars."

I suddenly realized what must have happened. I turned off the security system so the housekeeper and the delivery people could have access to the house. Damn them.

Hurried footsteps on the stairs and they're standing in front of us again. One of them jerked Leo to his feet and slapped him awake.

"Hey fag, wake up. Where's the drugs?"

When Fitz didn't answer the thief swung his hand back as if to strike the still unconscious Leo.

"You fucking idiots, you've got the wrong guy." My jaw roared to life with pain when I shouted. They only needed to knock me out not break my jaw. Amateurs. When this was over, sometime between me getting on my feet and before I called Coulson, these boys would know what it was like to get worked over by a professional.

"Oh look, his boyfriend is awake. So which one of you likes to be the girl, eh?" The sleazy loud guy, the one talking about the drugs, grabbed his crotch suggestively.

Charming. I had to get their attention away from Fitz. The red mark from the thug's fist was blooming on Leo's cheek. I could tell from Leo's reaction he wasn't conscious. If they'd hurt him... I had to get them mad enough to come for me.

"You stupid pussies. This is my house. I just brought him here for a quick fuck."

"Oh, we've found the man of the house. Sounds like he'll put up a good fight."

"Shut the fuck up. That's not what we're here for. Now, get him on his feet."

Excellent. I thought. Help me to my feet. When I got my feet under me, I sagged quickly against the one who'd expressed an interest in Leo. He caught me.

"You stupid pig," I remarked casually. Then, using him as a push off and a bit of support, my right leg struck out like a bullwhip. The one closer to me caught my heel with his nose. His face erupted in a geyser of blood. I took a gratified second to watch him scream. Then allowing my momentum to propel me around I caught the second one under the chin. and down he went. Good boy.

I squared myself off. God, my jaw hurt. My bound wrists were warm with blood. My wrists! My hands slid out of the bloody wet bindings. Fucking amateurs.

The third guy headed toward me raging and spewing. I was ready for him. Then three things happened in quick succession. When it was over, I could only sink to the floor.

First, my best $200, Misono UX10 8.2-Inch Gyutou chef knife is moving through the air. I swear my first thought was, NOT THAT ONE! Then it stopped moving and I watched the face of the guy in front of me turn from anger to surprise to unconsciousness as blood bubbled out of his mouth.

Behind him, Leo winked at me and dropped to his knees. Then all three of us hit the floor at about the same time.

Leo crawled over to me and pulled me away from the mess. We made it to the entrance to the small dining room before he stopped. With his back against the wall, he pulled me up between his legs. We stayed that way, until Coulson arrived; holding on to each other and speaking quietly.

"Let me look at your head. You need..."

"Ach," he scolded.

I felt his lips on the top of my head. Then, tightening his arms around me, "I've got all I need."

"I suppose you already called Coulson?"

"Of course. Now, stop talking and save that poor wee jaw of yours."

I wasn't ready to let the moment pass. "Once we get the kitchen cleaned up…"

"… Aye, and we'll make a nice cuppa."

"Yeah… then we'll talk."

We heard sirens in the distance. A car screeched to a halt outside.

"They're here, Ward."

"Tell me quick. What do you want to talk about?"

I reached up and touched his cheek, "Oh Leo," his name came off my lips in a whisper. "I want to know what you think about, you know, a guy like me and a guy like you."

"Tis a fine idea."

Agent Coulson found us like that, wrapped in each other's arms, bleeding all over each other with contented smiles. I didn't give a damn who saw us. I was exactly where I wanted to be.


	4. Scoundrel

* * *

AN: Well, there goes my New Year's resolution. I promised myself to write more action scenes and less sex… Oh well. Maybe next year. For those of you who came here because you're following this story, I added more content and did some much needed rewriting to the first three chapters. If you have time to go back and read them, cool. I hope you enjoy the story. Cheers.

* * *

Agent Coulson didn't say a word when he walked into the house and found us together on the kitchen floor. He didn't even raise an eyebrow. May jogged in behind him. With nothing more than a look toward Coulson, she simply grabbed me by the hands and lifted me to my feet. Then she just as quickly let go of me.

"Uh, yeah, I can find the counter all by myself, _Melinda_."

If looks could really kill, then Melinda May had just shot me down, dead in the street. I didn't really care what she thought, that was all over.

The medics descended on us and by the time they finished patching us up, the thugs were gone; evidence collected and the kitchen looked cleaner than when we first walked in. Groceries put away and everything in place. I could hear them doing the same to the upstairs.

Thankfully, my jaw wasn't broken; with some good pain MEDs and an ice pack, I was already feeling better. Fitz would have a black eye under that head wound, but it was still nothing serious. The store owner had been taken in for questioning and Coulson promised he would let us know the outcome of the interrogation. The important aspect was whether he had come into the house because I was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent or just an easy target. An easy target? _Amateurs_!

After Coulson checked the alarm system for the third time, he showed signs of leaving. He ordered us to take an extra seven days off, then finally we were alone. Fitz locked the door behind them. Leo had just killed his first man. He needed to talk about it, so I put the kettle on. Then I remembered I had no idea how to make tea.

"Hey, I don't know how to do this. You get the honors."

Getting him to make tea seemed to relax him by giving him something to do. I gathered up those croissants, some butter, and the jam. He followed me up the stairs to the roof. The wind had stopped blowing and the sun was warm on our faces. I tried to push him down on one of the chaises, but he turned the tables on me and led me over to the double chaise. After seeing me settled, he retrieved the tray and sat down next to me.

"Hey, listen to me," I said, stopping his hand from spreading jam on the pastry. You need to talk about what happened back there in the kitchen. I want you to know, now, the adrenaline is keeping you high. Once it wears off… I'm here, okay?"

"So you're saying you'll catch me when I fall?"

Catch you, hold you, make love to you, sleep with you, feed you, make you happy, came the words in my head, but all I managed to say was a joking, "Aye lad, that I will."

Pleased by the look on his face, I think it was enough. For the several hours, we stayed like that. We fed each other the croissants and drank our tea. Then he laid down next to me and we slept the afternoon away. By day three, the pain MEDs were no longer necessary. We'd spent the time talking, playing chess, and forcing him to watch all the movies he'd never seen. He'd actually never heard of the "Alien" movies. Now, how was that even possible?

It was on the fifth night, as we lay spooned together on my couch watching "The Empire Strikes Back," that it happened. Without the pain MEDs, my blood was starting to flow back into places I hadn't thought about in a few days. Leo shifted restlessly behind me during the scene where Han sneaks up on Leia and tells her she hasn't had enough scoundrels in her life. I felt one of Leo's hands begin a slow journey across my chest. One by one, the buttons on my Henley shirt opened and Leo's fingers slipped inside. I might have imagined a different movie that would turn me on. But hey, I can be a scoundrel. He made room for me when I rolled over on my back.

One scoundrel coming up.

"Leo?" I let my voice form the question.

His answer was to sit up just enough to pull off his shirt.

Now I wanted mine off too. In seconds, I was enjoying the sensation of his golden skin against mine. Something I'd thought about so often. Han was kissing Leia now. I wondered if he were having the same problem I was, because I was too light-headed to stand. While Han appeared to be holding himself up with his hand on the pipes. But there he was cool as ever kissing the princess. While here I was, melting into the couch, spreading my legs to have Leo closer and pulling him against my chest with my hands.

Screw Han and his cool scoundrel act… I was about to have sex with someone who I'd been sharing everything but a physical relationship with for a last week. My last coherent thought was to hit the remote and shut Han Solo the hell up. Now only the fireplace lighted the room. We blended together, melting into one another as we began to take the first tentative steps into this new place of intimacy. It's warm, comfortable, and we are cocooned in a world of our own.

He held my head still and lavished kisses over my face and neck. Each one sent a jolt of electricity down my spine. I felt my body open to him.

"Leo."

To his credit, he managed to stop stroking his tongue in and out of my mouth long enough to answer the question.

"Yes?" "

I want this. I'm ready for whatever we bring to life between us tonight."

He just smiled and bent his head. With his fingers splayed under my ribs, he pulled my chest up to his mouth and latched on to my right nipple. He sucked so hard that I thought he meant to use his teeth. That only made it more erotic and I told him so by holding his head still. Suddenly all of those reps of chest-fly's made perfect sense when he sank his teeth into the line of my pectoral muscle. I laughed with my breath coming out in throaty gulps, "Don't you dare stop."

His name erupted from my lips when he moved across to my left nipple and pinched it hard between his lips and flicking the tip with his tongue. "Leo!" Suddenly, I'm bereft of the weight of his body on mine. Without his hands on me, I'm alone. When I opened my eyes, he was tugging his pants off. Then he rejoined me on the couch by pulling my clothes off too. My cock responded to the touch of his fingertips like the crack of a whip. Instead of grasping me, he continued carding his fingers through the dark hair that surrounded it. Which is fine, really, because if he touched me, I think I would simply cum like a fourteen year old.

I felt moisture on my cock and squinted my eyes open to see him running his tongue along the pulsing vein. He's licking me as if I'm a goddamn ice cream cone. I don't ever want to know what words were coming out of my mouth. I could only hope they were complimentary… this is what I wanted… what I'd been missing. This devastation of my senses and strength holding me down, was exactly what I'd yearned for. I just hadn't known it until this beautiful young man was clasping my hands against my hips to hold me still and sliding the entire length of my cock down his throat.

"Oh… God… Leo."

Then my hands are free and I find his golden curls and knot my fingers into the coarse mat of his hair. I'm not very gentle when I begin to set the pace by pushing myself into his mouth. I am in real danger of simply flipping him over… Until his finger slides inside my ass and it's a completely new world of sensory overload. Two fingers inside me and I'm burning alive. With my entire body balanced on the tip of his tongue and fingers, I'm helpless to his ministrations and dear God I love it. Those two fingers curl inside me and I'm over the edge. Crying out his name as he stroked me with his fingers and sucked every drop from me.

Shivering with aftershocks, there are no words to describe what I just experienced. Then he gently withdrew his fingers and rested his head on my thighs. While giving me time to come down, he never stopped touching me, gentling me. Giving me time to realize my world and the preconceived ideas I had about my place in it had just changed forever.

"Come here, Leo." He raised his head questioningly. "Come here."

Leo stretched out over me, while I spread my legs open for him. His eyes went wide when his cock slid down naturally between the cheeks of my ass. While I framed his face with my hands I kissed his lips. My hips tilted upwards until I caught him against me.

"I want this, beautiful one. I want you and this now."

"Ward, it's too much… too intimate."

"And what you just did to me wasn't? Hey, it's just you and me."

I pushed his hips and felt the first penetration, as the head of his penis slipped inside me. We locked eyes and shared the moment. The triumph of coming together at last. Then he began to push and with each stroke went deeper into me. Until our hips where crashing together. I won't deny there was pain. But the expressions crossing his face and the surrender of his body to me was the sweetest gift I'd ever received. And he trusted me enough to witness it all.

I gave myself up to him and rode the tide of his thrusts. Buried deep inside me, I could feel the heartbeat of his desire. If I could have opened myself any wider to him, I would have. If I could have given him more, I would. With my arms and legs around him I felt the moment build until he bucked against me one more time and his seed emptied into me. Until, once again, I held him tenderly and safe in my arms, while he recovered. A sob hitched in his throat when he took a long shuddering sigh. I took that as my cue to speak.

"You were beautiful." I said quietly running my hands up and down his back. Until I felt him relax against me and we stayed like that enjoying the moment and the sensations of the intimacy of our naked bodies entwined together.

Later, as we got ready for bed, I think we were a little shy with each other. I'd already showered and while I waited for him to come out, I thought about what I wanted to say. Probably too much too soon, but I couldn't risk letting him walk away. He needed to know how I felt so he could make his own decision about us. Out he came in just his boxer shorts. I held out my arms to him and he walked into them.

"You're blushing again," I chuckled and rubbed my face into his still-damp hair.

He turned his face into my chest and wrapped his arms around me.

"Leo, I want you in my life. Not just at work, but here in this house and in my bed. If you don't want that too, fine. Just don't tell me tonight. Think about it."

"I've thought about it every day since that night you came to my cabin." He took my hand and led me to the bed. "There's nothing more to think about." He pulled the covers back and slid in. I followed him and we curled up together with his head on my chest and his legs curled under my bent knees.

"Can I be the scoundrel tomorrow night?" I asked with all the innocence I could put into the tone of my voice.

* * *

 

Okay, now I'm finished with this story.


	5. Strange Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: I guess I should say something about spoilers here. If you haven't seen the season finale of Agents of SHIELD then you probably shouldn't read this. What the heck are you waiting for?
> 
> For those of you who have watched it, I had to add a little something after that dizzying season finale. Did you just fall on the floor laughing when Coulson blasted Garrett? So brilliantly anticlimactic and so effortlessly Coulson.

* * *

"We turned at a dozen paces, for love is a duel, and looked up at each other for the last time." ― Jack Kerouac, On the Road

* * *

Beep — Beep — Beep — Beep — Beep — Beep — Beep

Beneath the cacophony of hospital sounds a young man searches for answers. A shroud of darkness suffocates him with its cloying stink and airless weight. While he unknowingly clenches his fists, his brow wrinkles, nostrils flare as he exhales against the sharp sting of medicinal smells.

There are scents that soothe him and some are chemical or medicinal smells. Someone he knows… someone who floats just on the edge of his awareness — with a smile he sometimes imagines he lives for — she loves to cook — not in a kitchen. If not a kitchen… then where? That smile has answers… it always has answers… keeps him grounded… kept him sane. Now, if he could just find that smile.

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep

He is restrained but that's not stopping him from pulling against the straps. Somewhere in his mind, he knows the name of the contraption wrapped around his chest that's pinning him to the bed is a Posey belt. He knows the names of everything. He always has. That intellect, that ability to recall everything he's ever learned has failed him.

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

A terror begins to leak in around the edges of his personal darkness. What is that sound? It's deafening. He can't think! He tosses aside each sensation as he comes to it. He's looking for reality. But his reality is not here.

If he can name the sensations that assault him, why can't he feel them? One should follow the other. Everything in the universe has order, logic, and reason. He cannot even remember his own name

BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep

Bits of reality float down to him like confetti at a parade. A few he can grab. Most of them float teasingly away just out of his reach. A wind blows them from his grasp. His terror grows as he frantically reads the pieces of paper. A jumble of letters at first, but he's always been good at forcing his mind to work for him and finally the letters obediently began to take shape. Now, that's more like it.

Fitz… My beautiful Leo… scoundrel… Fitzsimmons… Ward… Coulson… Gemma… Sky… The Sky?

_My name is Leo._

_My name is Leopold_. And he suddenly remembers how much he hates his first name.

_My name is Leopold Fitz!_

Now that he has named himself the terror blooms hot and red in his mind. A scream forms in his throat and boils in his chest.

_I cannae feel my feet or hands!_

_I am a level 5 S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent._

_I am an engineer — I cannae see!_

_Gemma? Ward? Where are you?_

_I must have my hands — Oh, God. Why can't I see my hands?_

_Gemma? Wee lass, where are you?_

There are cool hands touching his face, carding through his hair. The way the fingers pull through the curly strands it's longer than he normally keeps it. Therefore, time has passed.

Then lips touch his cheek. "I'm here, Leo. I'm here. Don't be afraid."

_Ward? How can this be?_

"Don't ask. Just be here with me for a little while. Leo. My beautiful Leo. I'm sorry."

Rage overrides his fear and he claws his way to it. The scream erupts from his heart, breaking it, the sobs fractured and gasping.

_Get out of m'head. Yer pure givin' me the boak!Tis all boggin. You killed me. I saved my Gemma. But you killed me. There is no forgiveness for ye here. You taught me good — taught all of us a fine lesson in betrayal. Sassenach!_

"I know. I know. I don't expect you to forgive me. Just know that I loved you and that every moment we shared… was real."

_Where am I? Am I dead?_

"I don't know. I think that's up to you. Leo, listen to me. They'll never let me go now. You'll never see me again. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and… I'm so sorry, Leo. I thought I could have you and hide my other self from you. It worked for a while didn't it?"

_Aye, it did. Now get out of my head._

"I have to go now," Ward murmured, kissing the tears away from Leo's cheeks. "Will you smile for me one more time… please? It's all I will ever have of you. Please?"


	6. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the return of Grant Ward

* * *

"I don't think I could love you so much if you had nothing to complain of and nothing to regret. I don't like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and of little value. Life hasn't revealed its beauty to them." ― Boris Pasternak, _Doctor Zhivago_

* * *

Ever thought about the term _breaking my heart_? What does it mean, exactly? If your heart were literally broken, you'd be quite dead. And just like good old Humpty Dumpty, no one, not even the king's men could put it back together again. Silly phrase really. Just as silly as the nursery rhyme. Except there he is, standing on the other side of the briefing table, glaring at me as if I was the devil himself and I suppose that is what I am. And my heart is breaking, but unlike the King's men, I can fix the damage.

But that's just my arrogance talking. Their hate hangs in the air and I breath it in with every word. Not even one of these people trust me anymore and why should they? I betrayed them all with my lies, my decisions...my orders. Is it possible for me to earn their trust again? I doubt it. Only my actions will tell them the tale and reassure them I did what was best for all of us. May looks at me as if she'd like to drop me where I stand. It's only Coulson's authority preventing her from leaping across the table.

There's Sky and she's as beautiful and brave as ever. She's wondering what she ever saw in me. A smile picks up the corners of my mouth because I know she'll never forget that kiss we shared. So much has changed for her. I told her I would never lie to her and I hadn't. This might surprise you, but I am happy for her. So brilliant and so much potential and she'll put it to good use now with all the resources and support she requires.

As I gaze into their hate filled eyes, I'm drawn irrevocably back to my beautiful Leo. He has changed too. Perhaps more than any of them. He's known horror, defeat, and most terrifying of all the loss of his intellect. And it's my fault, my guilt and my endless regret. Yes, my heart is breaking because he won't meet my eyes. And I miss looking into his eyes. Once, had it been years ago, a lifetime, or just a few months? He'd looked at me with love. Curled together on my couch, making love or watching a movie he always knew me as a man to trust and love. What an arrogant fool I'd been and what an innocent fool my Leo. I can see by the hard set of his jaw and the vacant look that he's learned that lesson.

I smile, not bothering to hide it, remembering the things we did on that couch. The team looks at me as if I've lost my mind. What could I possibly have to smile about they wonder, glancing at each other suspiciously. You haven't forgotten those nights have you, my beautiful Leo? My smile widens, I'm thinking about our quest to make love on every horizontal surface in my house. Our house… my smile fades and I feel them relaxing. Dammit Leo, look at me!

The nightmare of the mission briefing ends and I make my escape to the lower deck. Of course, I'm being watched. I'm accustomed to that. Watch all you want. The spaces of this aircraft are as familiar to me as any place I've lived. My feet take me to Leo's old cabin. Does he still sleep here? That day I found him, curled into a ball, shivering with desire, confused and more than a little scared. I know he cares, and probably still does, for Gemma. Why hadn't he gone to her that night?

Footsteps behind and my broken old heart skips a beat of anticipation. What can I possibly say to him? I'll let him speak first, or should I just leave? I should just walk away because my every action pushed him from everything we had together. Don't be a romantic, Ward. You don't have the skill set for it.

He's closer now. I can smell his soap-clean scent. If he touches me, I won't stop myself from taking him into my arms. And I'll apologize and keep apologizing until he forgives me.

Forgives you? You're the romantic fool here. You idiot.

My hands reach out to the wall in front of me and I lean my weight against them. There, that should keep me from reaching for him. The love I felt for you is still here, Leo. It just requires a small push to let it out. In fact, if you stand there much longer I'll make a total fool out of myself and beg for your forgiveness. Now how would that look?

The touch of a familiar hand on my lower back. Move your hand, Leo. Please.

"Grant?" He says my name softly while his fingers spread over my spine. "I…"

"No! Don't be kind. I can't take your kindness."

Fingers twist into my shirt and hook around my belt.

"I've had a lot of time to think while my brain healed. Memorized the mission reports. So much has happened since you left," he's saying and chuckled with a sad and hollow sound. "I…"

"I said, no!"

Then I whirled in blind anger and grabbed him. Don't be kind. Don't forgive me. Don't love me. I don't deserve any of this, not being with this team again, not aboard this wonderful airplane. I'd even slept in my old bed last night, with so many of his things still around. Why hadn't he moved out? Like a lovesick fool, I'd held his pillow in my arms while I slept.

"Leo!" I blurted his name from the swirling torture of my thoughts.

Then he's in my arms, molded against my body and tight against my chest. I feel his arms slide around me and it's as if he's breathing life into me when against my lips he whispered, "I forgive you."


	7. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: I noticed in my stats that folks are still reading this story. Which is super great, but causes me anxiety because with so many changes in the show (not all of them good, IMHO) this story isn't finished. Okay, this is it. The end. The prologue. Thank you to those of you who stopped by to read this story and left a review or a follow.

* * *

"Your time may come. Do not be too sad, Sam. You cannot be always torn in two. You will have to be one and whole, for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do." ― J.R.R. Tolkien, _The Return of the King_

* * *

The rain does nothing to cool the rage, an insatiable agony boiling inside. I'm soaked to the skin. Like the water that rises off the hot pavement in tendrils of steam, I am nothing, not anymore. The man named Ward is gone. I don't grieve for him. This is my hell and I have certainly earned it. I stand here in front of my Carriage house. My home. A home I shared with Leo. I loved this place, decorated and did the interior restoration myself. Until Leo, it wasn't a home. He made it complete. His presence calmed and graced me with thoughts that I could be a different kind of man. A good man.

I know…I knew months ago that a state grace was never mine to achieve. Just as Leo's love was never mine to hold. I tried, though, didn't I? I tried.

_God, it hurts._ This hunger lashes me, forcing me forward. They call to me. Pulling me home. When I'm with Hy… No, I cannot even say the word. But it's where I belong now. It's the only place I _can_ be now. With a manic shine in their eyes, they welcomed me with the promise of supremacy and unlimited power. They help me stay in control. Unlimited power is mine. I have only to raise my hands for the Hydra minions to do my bidding. After Coulson killed me and left me to rot to dust, what happened after changed me forever.

My hand rests on the brick wall of my house. They're inside I can hear them talking. My Leo loves her. He's always loved her. For a short while, he loved me, but he belongs to her. Funny, the pain of that loss still resides in my heart. It's the only real emotion I have left. I don't blame him, and I won't seek revenge. I have the power to make sure he is safe. They will not touch him. The others I cannot vouch for, but Leo, my Leo, is safe, and he will never want for anything.

The door opened at my touch, and I see them, standing in the kitchen. The way her hands gesture I can tell she's angry with him. She hides her love for him behind a wall of intellect and science. What she doesn't understand is that my Leo has changed. He's no longer shy of her. See the way he stands before her looking her in the eye? She doesn't realize it yet, but he's smiling at her. When she's finished with her anger, she'll see it. Once, he looked at me that way.

I wonder if he's thinking about the night we made love on the spot where they now stand? We had just finished dinner, and I was prowling around the kitchen looking for something sweet. Leo backed me against the counter, pinned me with his body and kneeled at me feet. Afterward, my legs weak and shaking, my head spinning and my heart full of love I followed him down to the floor.

We kissed, and I tasted myself on his tongue. When his own need left him shivering we pushed off my clothes, and he took me right there, on the floor where they stand. That night, it might have been the full moon, I don't know. But we were insatiable. When he finished with me and lay draped over my back panting, tears stung my eyes as my heart hammered against my ribs. I didn't have words for it then. But later, when I carried him into the bedroom and cleaned us up it all fell into place. At that moment, I knew it. There was no need to hide. It was useless to try. I stretched myself over him and framed his face with my forearms. Without warning, words poured from my lips.

"Leo, stay with me. Don't go home. Stay, because I'm in love with you." Then I kissed the stray tear away, while he answered me by spreading his legs to allow me to slid inside his body. Time forgot us, while we stayed that way, kissing with the heat of his erection trapped between us, throbbing against my hip. Buried inside him, my own desire beating in time with his. I know that sounds nonsensical, but that night it was true. We made promises to each other. Promises we meant to keep. Vows meant to last a lifetime. But that was not to be.

Gemma gasped when she saw me standing inside the door. The flush of fear climbed into her cheeks. Leo stepped in front of her without hesitation. He is so brave, my Leo.I held out my hands.

"I'm not here to not hurt you. Listen to me, Leo. This place and all that I have belong to you now. I have nothing left of the material world. Except for the memories of a man with intense blue eyes who once loved me. But I won't let them take that away from me."

Leo started toward me, emotion pouring from his eyes. I cannot bear it.

"Stay back! I'm no longer the man you knew. I am a monster. A creature for Hydra to use. I will shield you from them for as long as I can. But, Leo, someday I may ask you to let me go, to release me from this world. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

My eyes closed with relief. His one word, spoken in trust of what we had is all I need to know. Someday I will ask him to kill me, and I know he will do that one last thing for me.

"Gemma? Love him. He's worthy of all the love you have for him. Don't hide it from him as I did. Don't waste any more time wondering or worrying. Love him, Gemma. Promise me!"

She linked her arm through his. "I promise. Ward, stay let us find a way to help you."

"NO!"

They stepped back suddenly afraid. They should be afraid. I forced my voice into calming tones. The need for violence burns from within, but I must hold on a moment longer. "That cannot be again, Gemma. I can't be fixed. Even by you. I am sorr… Take everything, Leo. It's all in your name now. Don't throw it or her away."

Before I could fall under Gemma's spell of "things will be alright." I fled the house. By nightfall, I was back among my kind. The monsters who spread violence, and feed off the world and give nothing in return. My hunger grows, gnawing at me for release. I'm done with the world that included love and companionship. I willingly enter this world with the knowledge that my beautiful Leo is safe and loved.

They look to me now with their eyes shining in the darkness. They wait. They are not patient.


End file.
